15 Hottest Movies coming on 2017

14 Hottest Movies coming on 2017

AERTICLE SOURCE 

Soho House

Could 2017 ever top the cinematic sexual delights of last year? After all, 2016 was the year that gave us a graphic food orgy in Sausage Party and Ryan Reynolds getting pegged in Deadpool. Well, fear not amorous readers – 2017 gave as good as it got rewarding us pervs with some of the sexiest movies of the decade.

There’s literally something for everyone in 2017’s sexiest films, from a bit of slap and tickle to touching gay romances and from cannibalism to alien tentacle sex. Yes, you read that last part right.

Just a head’s up: not all the films featured here are necessarily the cream of the crop, critical acclaim-wise, but they’re entertaining enough and more importantly sexy enough for the consideration of discerning film pervs. Likewise, not all the movie here are that explicit. Sometimes all we need to get our rocks off is a sexy costume, a bit of skin or simmering sexual tension.

But we weren’t lying about the alien tentacle sex.

1. Baywatch

Paramount

The classic 90s TV show that introduced the talents of Pamela Anderson and other such pneumatic starlets to the world got the big screen treatment this year. With a measly 18% approval rating from Rotten Tomatoes, Baywatch the movie wasn’t one of 2017’s best-loved films but what it lacked in terms of plot, it made up for in the sheer number of scantily clad hot actors it featured.

There’s no sex in Baywatch but there’s lots of skin with stars Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron providing the rippling torsos and bulging biceps and co-stars Alexandra Daddario and Kelly Rohrbach prancing around the beach in those iconic red bathing suits.

Plus, there’s more slow motion running sequences than you can shake a stick at and not a hairy David Hasselhoff nipple in sight. Although there is a glimpse of his abundant chest hair beneath a fetching Hawaiian shirt when he briefly appears in a cameo role as Dwayne Johnson’s mentor, if that’s the kind of thing that gets you off.

2. Lady Macbeth

Altitude Film Distribution

If the very thought of Shakespeare has your libido waning, fear not. William Oldroyd’s feature debut isn’t based on The Bard’s work but a novella by Russian writer Nikolai Leskov though like its Shakespearean namesake it involves a power-hungry lady, sex and bloody murder.

Set in the wilds of Victorian era Northumberland, Lady Macbeth stars Florence Pugh as a young woman named Katherine trapped in a loveless marriage to an abrasive older man and barely allowed to leave the rural estate they reside on with her equally mean father-in-law.

As you can imagine, Katherine’s is quite a mundane existence so naturally she starts up a steamy affair with one of the hired help – Sebastian, played by Cosmo Jarvis – when her husband and father-in-law are away on business. Cue lots of lusty love scenes between Pugh and Jarvis replete with heavy breathing and bodice ripping. Oh, and horse murder too but that’s not sexy at all.

3. Fifty Shades Darker

Universal Pictures

Let’s not beat around the bush. Fifty Shades Darker is an awful film, even worse than its pretty awful predecessor Fifty Shades of Grey. Its pitiful 10% Rotten Tomatoes rating is testament to its bad acting and absurdly soap opera-like plotline but there’s no accounting for taste and its box office success is proof of how popular a movie it was.

Why? Because to a certain demographic Fifty Shades Darker’s light bondage and lacklustre romance is the stuff of softcore heaven. Not for the discerning writers here at What Culture of course – nothing but sexy unsimulated sex in European arthouse flicks will do for us, thank you very much – but for bored housewives and wine moms, Fifty Shades is the socially acceptable smut they’ve been searching for.

In its defence as this year’s worst sexiest movie, it does boast some rather stylishly shot sex scenes even if the emphasis is more on the tickle than the slap this time around.

4. The Misandrists

Berlin

Title aside, at first glance The Misandrists with its school for wayward girls dressed in impossibly skimpy uniforms might seem like the basis for a Carry On film. But this is cult Canadian director Bruce LaBruce – father of queercore – so if you’re expecting him to pander to heterosexual male fantasies, you’re in for a surprise.

You see, the school is a cover for a separatist Sapphic terrorist cell hellbent on toppling the patriarchy via the dissemination of propagandistic homemade lesbian pornography. If that still sounds like a male masturbation fest, wait until you see what they do to the male radical they’re holding captive in their basement. Hint: it’s a very transformative surgery and they don’t use any anaesthetic.

Like other LaBruce films before it, The Misandrists is a satire of radical politics and sexually very graphic and we can pretty much guarantee it’s the only film in which you’ll see hard-boiled eggs served in such an innovative way this year.

5. Raw

Focus World

Can cannibalism be sexy? But of course! Or at least in Julia Ducournau’s feature film debut Raw it can. The acclaimed French body horror stars breakout talent Garance Marillier as lifelong vegetarian Justine whose participation in a hazing ritual during her first year of veterinary school involving the consumption of raw rabbit liver ignites a ravenous hunger that goes far beyond the odd, sneaky Big Mac.

This is no gore-reliant Cannibal Holocaust though but rather a feminist-framed coming-of-age story that uses Justine’s hunger for flesh as an allegory for her sexual awakening. Although you shouldn’t worry about a lack of gore in Raw – during its showing at TIFF ambulances had to be called to attend to several audience members who’d been reduced to vomiting, fainting messes.

We’re sure horror fans out there have stronger stomachs than the apparently weak-stomached crowd at TIFF though and trust us – there is something strangely sexy about Raw.

6. Tulip Fever

TWC

Sold as ‘the year’s sexiest thriller’, you might not think there could be anything sexy or thrilling in a film about tulips, but you’d be wrong. Set in 17th century Amsterdam during the height of the tulip mania – that’s the dramatic rise and fall of Holland’s tulip trade for those not to speed with floral history – Tulip Fever stars Christoph Waltz as a wealthy merchant who marries the young, reluctant Alice Vikander and hires artist Dane DeHaan to paint her.

That soon turns out to be a bad idea when Vikander and DeHaan quickly fall in love, beginning with a bit of eye-f**ing as he’s composing her portrait before their desire blooms (pun intended) into bodice-ripping and actual sex.

There’s also a pretend pregnancy, some flower stock market investment and Zach Galifianakis drunkenly eating a tulip bulb but let’s be honest – we’re here for the sex, not the flowers.

7. My Cousin Rachel

Fox Searchlight

For those who like their period dramas with a little less in the way of tulips and a little more in the way of light incest, Roger Michell’s adaptation of Daphne du Maurier’s novel My Cousin Rachel is the film for you.

The early 19th century set romantic mystery drama stars Sam Claflin as Philip – a young man set to inherit a not too shabby Cornish estate – and Rachel Weisz as the titular Rachel, an older cousin of his who he suspects may have murdered his other cousin and guardian in order to get her mitts on his estate but falls in lust with anyway. Apparently, there was a lot of inter-cousin sex going on back then.

It’s a PG-13 rated film that’s more sultry in ambience than what we actually see unfold, although we do get to see a brief romp atop a bed of bluebells from Weisz and Claflin and there’s plenty of the kind of heaving bosoms that only 19th century costume can create.

8. God’s Own Country

Picturehouse Entertainment

Dubbed the Yorkshire Brokeback Mountain by the film press, first-time director Francis Lee’s Yorkshire Dales-set drama stars Josh O’Connor as a young man who reluctantly takes over the running of his family’s sheep farm after his dad suffers a stroke and Alec Secareanu as the swarthy Romanian migrant hired to help out who he falls in love with.

There’s one glaring difference between God’s Own Country and Ang Lee’s 2005 Oscar winner, though – a much happier, more hopeful ending. Until we get to that point, we see the gradual burgeoning of O’Connor and Secareanu’s relationship as it progresses from raw, somewhat aggressive fornication to tender love-making, including a particularly hot mud-wrestling scene.

But it’s the smaller moments like their sharing of a sauce packet as they dine on generic brand Pot Noodles against the beautiful but bleak backdrop of the Yorkshire countryside that make God’s Own Country truly touching.

9. Justice League

Warner Bros.

Don’t be fooled by all that talk of mother boxes in Justice League. Apparently, it’s not filthy superhero slang and there is no sex (involving mother boxes, boom tubes or otherwise) during the movie’s two-hour run.

But although it’s a film thoroughly lacking in sex scenes, it’s also a film positively brimming with impossibly good-looking people running around and saving the world whilst wearing incredibly form-fitting superhero costumes.

To be honest, Justice League could earn itself a spot on this list based on the merits of the smoulderingly sexy Jason Momoa’s Aquaman and his rippling tattooed biceps alone (nice trident, pet). But let’s not forget the absolutely stunning Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman who adds a couple of much-needed X chromosomes to the superhero man-fest and also spends most of the movie wearing a fetching but not so practical-looking figure-hugging costume.

10. Professor Marston And The Wonder Woman

Annapurna

From the DCEU’s Wonder Woman to the iconic feminist superhero’s real-life origin story, director Angela Robinson’s sexy biopic tells the tale of Diana Prince’s conception and the relationship between the trio of trailblazing minds that created and inspired her. And yes, it is possible for a biopic to be sexy.

You see Wonder Woman is not your typical superhero and her creator psychologist William Moulton Marston was not your typical early 20th century American man, living as he did with his brilliant wife Elizabeth and equally brilliant former student Olive Byrne (the two women who served as Wonder Woman’s inspiration) in a polyamorous relationship a good 50 years before polyamory was even a thing. Oh, and they were into bondage too which goes a long way to explaining Wonder Woman’s penchant for tying up villains with her Lasso of Truth.

In the hands of a male director, the kink and polyamory might be handled in a more voyeuristic, fetishized manner but under Robinson’s direction the trio’s sex scenes are sensual with a focus on their female participant’s pleasure. And they’re sexy as hell.

11. The Untamed

Adomeit Films

After a meteor descends from outer space and crash-lands in working class Mexico bringing with it a strange tentacled alien creature it has a strange effect on the local population. This is no E.T. the Extra -Terrestrial, you see, and this Lovecraftian being has the ability to provide intense sexual pleasure to humans. Even the local animal population from farmyard animals to armadillos and tortoises are affected which we see in a CGI animal orgy that would make even a seasoned naturalist blush.

When a film opens with a woman orgasming as an alien tentacle departs her nether regions, you know it’s going to be a strange one. But there’s more to Mexican director Amat Escalante’s sci-fi horror drama The Untamed than just its hentai overtones.

In its exploration of four characters – the mysterious Veronica, young wife and mother Alejandra, her gay brother Fabian and her sexually repressed, violent husband Angel who’s having an affair with Fabian – and their really close encounters with the tentacled alien it mixes sexual sci-fi with social realism.

But yeah, there’s a lot of alien tentacle sex too.

12. Atomic Blonde

Focus Features

Imagine John Wick if Keanu Reeves was female and you pretty much have the basic feel of Atomic Blonde – a hyper-stylish, uber-violent and highly entertaining action thriller directed by John Wick producer and co-director David Leitch and starring Charlize Theron as MI6 spy Lorraine Broughton but with the added bonus of a paranoid Cold War setting and 80s synth pop soundtrack.

It could easily earn itself a place on this list based on the delight of watching Charlize Theron kicking KGB arse while looking impossibly fashionable but screenwriter Kurt Johnstad included a brief bisexual subplot not featured in Atomic Blonde’s source material (graphic novel The Coldest City by Antony Johnston) which treats us to a rather graphic love scene between Theron and co-star Sofia Boutella.

Apparently, the scene is intended to make Atomic Blonde stand out from other spy thrillers. Okay Johnstad, we believe you. It wasn’t because you wanted to see Theron and Boutella going at it at all.

13. The Beguiled

Focus Features

Set during the American Civil War, Sofia Coppola’s The Beguiled stars Colin Farrell as injured Union soldier John McBurney who finds refuge at an all but abandoned girl’s school home to Nicole Kidman’s stern headmistress Martha Farnsworth, melancholic teacher Edwina Morrow (Kirsten Dunst) and flirtatious teenage student Alicia (Elle Fanning) and disrupts their cloistered existence.

Before long Farrell’s character is charming the school’s female residents with his luxuriant eyebrows and Irish accent (he’s an Irish mercenary – don’t question it) and flirts his way first into their affections and then into their beds. Soon enough the sexual tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife but playing a group of women off against each other has its consequences as McBurney eventually finds out.

Adapted from a 1966 novel by writer Thomas P. Cullinan, it’s far less pulpy than a 1971 version starring Clint Eastwood and earned Coppola the Best Director Award at Cannes this year. Critical acclaim and seeing Nicole Kidman give Colin Farrell a sensual sponge bath? Oh my.

14.  L’Amant Double

Mandarin Films

As its title suggests, François Ozon’s L’Amant Double is a French film and you know what that means – sexy French people having lost of sexy French sex. Marine Vacth stars as Chloe, a young former model who’s convinced her chronic stomach pains are psychosomatic and visits therapist Paul (Jérémie Renier) to get to the root of the problem only to strike up a relationship with him.

She soon founds out Paul is hiding something from her in the form of secret identical twin brother who also practices psychiatry and with whom she also strikes up a sexual relationship, albeit a racier more ferocious one than she has with Paul.

Now, we’re pretty sure diddling your patient goes against every Hippocratic oath guideline but if the characters in L’Amant Double abided by moral codes of conduct it wouldn’t be on this list. Predictably, it’s a graphic film from the get-go beginning with a close-up shot of Vacth’s vagina as she undergoes a gynaecological exam and later featuring pegging and a twincest threesome.

15. Call Me By Your Name

Sony Pictures Classics

It’s been a big year for LGBT cinema and rounding off a trio of must-see queer movies after The Misandrists and God’s Own Country is Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me By Your Name – a sweeping gay romance set against a backdrop of 80s fashion and the stunning sun-soaked countryside of northern Italy.

Already hotly tipped as an Oscar contender, it’s the concluding chapter of Guadagninos so-called Desire trilogy alongside the similarly steamy and Italy-set I Am Love (2009) and A Bigger Splash (2015) and tells the tale of the passionate affair between 17-year-old Elio and the older American student Oliver who comes to stay with his family over a long, hot summer.

The sex scenes are more sensual than graphic, but there is a memorable scene involving Elio and a peach that’ll have you looking at the fruit and veg section in the supermarket in a whole different light.